Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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