turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
