Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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