Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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