I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
