a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
