Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
