you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
