Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
