Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
