So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
