fuck your aforementioned shoe
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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