Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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