I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
