I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
