They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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