my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
