oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
