I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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