I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
