Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
