I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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