eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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