I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
