just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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