so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
