suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
