you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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