Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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