I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
