Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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