So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
