I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
