You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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