We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Who died my cat blue again?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
