We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
