Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
