Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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