I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
