I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
