dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
