I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
