i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
