you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
