Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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