Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Houston, we have a blender
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
