who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
