I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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