Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
