Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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