yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
