so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
