So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
