u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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